Lionel Messi is not going to play
Yes, no matter how big a fan you are
of the Little Messiah, you will not get to see him at the tournament. Why, you
ask? Well, apart from several other complications, it’s the fact that he is not
Spanish. Playing for Barcelona must have made him look like Luis Enrique’s
cousin, but he’s not. Remember how he played for Argentina in the recently
concluded world cup in 2010? Oh, that’s right, you don’t have a clue. And if
you still happen to be confused, Argentina is in South America; while this
tournament is for European teams. For similar reasons, you’ll also find Didier
Drogba missing. He is from Ivory Coast. No, I’m not making this up. And while
I’m at it, let me make it very clear; Rafael Nadal doesn’t play for Spain
either.Barcelona are a club
In a related misunderstanding,
Barcelona (the reason behind you numbnuts believing that Messi is Spanish)
cannot participate in this competition either. Why, you ask again. Your
curiosity just startles me. Well, because they are a club. The UEFA EURO is a
competition for countries. The Catalans do have a separate flag and a separate
dialect of their own, but you’ll find all your heroes from FCB wearing a
certain red jersey and playing alongside Fernando Torres. Oh that reminds me,
the same applies for Chelsea, Manchester United and, if you’re into that kind
of nonsense, Liverpool.The Netherlands is what cool people call Holland
Football is one the main reasons
people know some countries exist. So, if you are new to football, you probably
haven’t heard of The Netherlands (Not to be confused with MJ’s Neverland). It
is not an imaginary place and it’s not a nick name. It’s just what we, the cool
ones, call Holland. You must have heard of that - if not in ‘Pulp Fiction’,
then at least in some edition of the cricket world cup. Fun fact: it’s one of
the few countries whose name starts with an article. And as we all know, ‘The’
is the coolest article. There’s not much you need to know about this country
save for two things – the people of Holland are known as the Dutch and secondly;
on a good day, in football, the Dutch can kick your ass.If you can’t pronounce, don’t say the name
Sometimes, you’ll find yourself in a
spot where you want to take a player’s name and make a comment which will make
you seem like you understand the game. For instance, “I think Steven Gerrard
will beat the shit outta that other team.” Or, you could be one of those girls
who are watching the game because of their boyfriend and think that they can
make him jealous by spotting good looking footballers. For instance, “Ooh, that
Rooney fellow is so cute!!” But unfortunately for you, not all the names are
that easy. There are some eastern European countries whose players have names
that are more complicated than the politics of Eastern Europe. So, you don’t
want to be the person who calls Szczesny (Pronounced as Chechny) Suzzcazzhenny
in a room full of soccer maniacs. Therefore, if you don’t know how to say a
name, wait till a commentator says it first. Or, if you are not a complete
moron, identify the players by their number.England won’t win
This is the most common misconception
first-time fans have. The English Premier League’s popularity is the chief
cause of this false idea. People see England and they think, Manchester
United!! Chelsea!! Arsenal!! Liverpool!! And now even Manchester City has added
to the league’s thunder. They see England and they think those glorious images
of Frank Lampard, Steven Gerrard, John Terry, Wayne Rooney and the others that
are shown repeatedly on ESPN. But that’s a rookie mistake that you need to
avoid. The Barclays Premier League is awesome. But that says nothing about
England’s national team. If there’s anything IPL has taught us, it’s this. When
Iron Man, Hulk, Thor etc come together, they become the Avengers. The same
doesn’t apply for England. So, rest assured, England won’t win. I’d place my
bet on that imaginary country I told you about two points ago.
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